You know that sense of panic when you lose your keys?
Pray to St. Anthony, a co-worker said. It never fails.
Sure enough, the keys turned up quickly after the prayer, and I made a mental note to never discount the possibilities of a little saintly help. But saints can intercede not just in everyday worries but a plethora of circumstances I’ve never even thought of worrying about. It turns out that everyone and everything seems to have its own saint, from blackbirds to Benjamins.
There are at least three patron saints of brewers and at least three for comedians, while carpenters and Catholic education net at least two saints each.
A host of professions can claim their own patron saint. Notaries, for example, may wish to pray to St. Mark the Evangelist. Curious about my own profession, I found that St. Francis de Sales is the patron saint of journalists and writers, proving that, apparently, everyone is salvageable.
There also seem to be saints for every ailment ever diagnosed. St. Rocco protects against bird flu. St. Bonaventure protects against bowel disorders. Let’s hope we never have to call on his intervention.
Some saints sponsor seemingly disconnected causes. St. Genesius is the patron saint of plumbers, actors, clowns and torture victims. Some of his charges may need more of his attention than others.
St. Drogo is the patron of coffee houses, unattractive people, midwives, mute persons and cattle. Cattle farmers take note, though luckily none of our readers have to worry about the “unattractive people” problem.
Here are a few more saints that our readers might find helpful.
St. Columbanus protects against floods. In our neck of the woods, keep him in mind.
St. Malo is the patron saint of pigkeepers. Nowadays, we call them “pork producers.”
St. Vitus watches over those who oversleep (take note, teenagers).
St. Eugene of Mazanod may be able to intercede for those with dysfunctional families.
And the best named of saints, St. Expeditus, protects against procrastination.
After St. Patrick’s Day, you might want to pray to St. Bibiana. She’s the patron saint charged with curing hangovers.
It gets weirder. St. Hubert is the patron saint of those afraid of werewolves, while Albinus of Angers protects against pirate attacks.
St. Lidwina of Schiedam is the patron saint of Michelle Kwan, Tara Lipinski and every ice skater you’ve never heard of.
Cats could, theoretically, pray to St. Gertrude of Nivelles, and ferns (I’m not making this up) have their own patron saint: St. Aedan.
And finally, my absolute favorite and the saint that I plan to start calling upon regularly: St. Rita of Cascia: patron saint of impossible dreams.